I was — and honestly still am — a huge fan of Beverly Hills, 90210. (Yes, I know this ages me. At this point I’m just embracing it. Team Kelly Taylor forever.)
Recently, I read Jennie Garth’s book, I Choose Me, and then had the surreal experience of hearing her speak in person… while sitting at her table like some sort of middle-aged fangirl living out her teenage dreams. I tried to play it cool. I did not succeed.
But long after the excitement wore off, one part of her message stayed with me.
She talked about the difference between living with a mindset of scarcity versus a mindset of abundance.
That one hit home.
I grew up with a military father who loved us deeply and worked incredibly hard for our family, but who also unintentionally kept my sisters and me in a constant state of “prepare for the worst.” There was always this subtle underlying message:
You should always be ready for something bad to happen.
Don’t get too comfortable.
Don’t assume things will work out.
Don’t let your guard down.
And while that mindset can create resilient, hardworking, capable people, it can also quietly rob you of joy.
Because when your brain is constantly scanning for what might go wrong, it becomes very hard to fully enjoy what is going right.
Scarcity thinking does not only apply to money. Sometimes it shows up emotionally.
There is not enough time.
Not enough love.
Not enough security.
Not enough success.
Not enough beauty.
Not enough certainty.
Not enough margin to rest.
And for many people — especially women, parents, caregivers, and high achievers — scarcity thinking can become so normal that we no longer recognize it. We live in a state of emotional bracing. We struggle to enjoy vacations while simultaneously worrying about the flight home. We wait for the other shoe to drop during happy seasons. We feel guilty resting. We compare. We overthink. We assume peace is temporary.
Jennie Garth writes about learning to stop living from a place of fear and start living from a place of self-trust. Not perfection. Not pretending life is easy. But trusting that even if hard things happen, we are still capable of handling them.
That is abundance.
Abundance says:
There is still good ahead.
There is still time to grow.
There is still joy available to me.
Another person’s success does not diminish my own.
I do not have to earn my worth by exhausting myself.
As a counselor, I frequently see people approaching life, relationships, and even themselves through a mindset of scarcity. Sometimes it comes from childhood. Sometimes from trauma, betrayal, financial hardship, loss, divorce, criticism, or years of walking on eggshells. Over time, our brains learn to protect us by anticipating danger instead of peace.
The problem is that eventually we stop living and start merely preparing to live.
Maybe healing begins when we slowly teach ourselves to enjoy the moment without immediately searching for the catch.
Maybe abundance looks like laughing harder at dinner.
Booking the trip.
Trusting the relationship.
Taking the nap without guilt.
Believing good things do not always have to be temporary.
For those of us raised to brace for impact, learning to rest in the moment can feel unfamiliar — even uncomfortable.
But honestly, I think that reminder was something I needed to hear.
Turns out, some messages arrive decades later than expected.
A simple lesson about abundance from a woman I once watched on television every Wednesday night somehow found its way into my adult life at exactly the right time.
It was a simple reminder, but one I will probably carry with me for a long time.
And maybe that is what choosing ourselves really looks like.
