Grief Is Not Just Yours: Navigating Loss as an Adult and Supporting Grieving Children

Loss changes everything.

Whether it’s the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, a significant health diagnosis, or another life-altering event, grief is the emotional and physical response to loss. It’s not a linear process, and it doesn’t follow a schedule. As adults, we may try to “hold it together”—for work, for family, or especially for our children. But grief needs room. It needs attention. And it needs tenderness.

This blog post is for you, the adult trying to navigate loss. And it’s also for the parent, the caregiver, or the aunt or uncle wondering how to help the child in your life who is grieving too.

What Adult Grief Can Look Like

Grief in adults often shows up in ways we don’t expect:

• Feeling numb or in shock long after the loss
• Guilt over what you said (or didn’t say)
• Mood swings, irritability, or emotional withdrawal
• Trouble concentrating or finishing tasks
• Fatigue, insomnia, or physical aches
• Questioning your purpose, faith, or identity

You might think:

•  “I should be over this by now.”
• “I have to be strong for my kids.”
• “Why can’t I just move on?”

But here’s the truth: grief is a process, not a problem to solve. And healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means learning to carry the loss differently over time.

Grief Is Physical Too

Grief isn’t just sadness; it can impact your whole nervous system. You may feel disconnected from your body, have chest tightness, digestive changes, or muscle tension. That’s normal. The brain and body are in survival mode.

Start small. These are acts of care that help you move through grief (and not around it): 

• Breathe slowly for 60 seconds.
• Stretch or walk outside for a few minutes.
• Eat something nourishing.

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What About the Kids?

When adults are grieving, it can be easy to assume kids are “doing fine” if they’re not crying or acting out, but children and teens grieve differently than adults:

Young Children:

• Don’t understand death is permanent
• Ask the same questions over and over
• Express grief through play or regression (e.g., bedwetting, tantrums)
• May seem fine one minute and devastated the next

Older Children & Preteens:

• Struggle to name their feelings
• May act out, withdraw, or try to “be strong” for others
• Worry about who will take care of them
• Might blame themselves for the loss

Teens:

• Understand death but may feel isolated in their grief
• Hide their pain to avoid being a burden
• May appear “angry” or “distracted” rather than sad
• Often turn to friends or social media before parents

Here’s What They Need:

• Honest, age-appropriate explanations
• Permission to grieve in their own way
• Consistent routines and emotional support
• A safe adult who listens without rushing them to “feel better”

Talking to Your Child About Grief

• Use clear words (e.g., “He died” instead of “passed away”)
• Invite their questions, even if you don’t have all the answers
• Share your own feelings (e.g., “I feel sad today too.”)
• Validate theirs: “It’s okay to miss her.” “It’s okay to be mad.”
• Reassure them: “You are safe. You are not alone.”

If a child or teen seems stuck in their grief for weeks or months (especially if they show signs of depression, anxiety, or guilt), talk to a therapist or grief counselor.

Grieving Together, Healing Together

It’s okay for your child to see that you’re sad or struggling. In fact, it’s healthy for them to see how people feel and heal—with support, with time, and with love.

You don’t have to have all the answers; you simply have to show up.

Where to Go from Here

Grief is a human response to losing someone or something you love. Whether you’re navigating your own sorrow or walking with a child through theirs, remember:

• You are not alone.
• There is no “right” way to grieve.
• Talking helps.
• Connection heals.

If you or your child is struggling to navigate grief, you don’t have to do it alone. Working with a grief-informed therapist can provide a safe, compassionate space to express emotions, make sense of the pain, honor memories, and gently explore what healing might look like. Therapy helps you carry the loss with more ease so that grief becomes something you live with, not something that controls you.  

Grief isn’t about “moving on.” It’s about moving forward—with love, with memory, with support.

If you’re looking for guidance along the way, B Well Counseling Center offers grief-focused therapy for individuals of all ages. We’re here to walk beside you. When you’re ready, contact us to schedule a free 15-minute consultation.